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Getting Personal: Intimacy & The Body Ecology Diet

Below is an interview I did with my husband, Tomas, about how he felt when we first began our relationship. I had been on The Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.) for a year already when I met Tomas and was deep in healing my yeast overgrowth. It was an awkward time for us as a couple as we learned to be romantically involved while I healed my body and he came to terms with his own healing.

You can read more about this time in our lives at How To Get A Man Into B.E.D.

Tara: What would you say to someone getting romantically involved while on B.E.D.?

Tomas: I think most men aren’t going to read anything so don’t try that. Also, don’t overwhelm him, do small steps with small goals. Like “let’s try this one thing” and let him master that while offering a substitute (i.e. plantain chips instead of potato chips). You should know that if food he likes is not at home, then he’ll find a substitute, eat lots of it, and overdose on that food item. I’d say most men have the attitude that all this healing is bullshit, so to the men I’d say try and open your mind to entertain the idea. Do it because you love her or want to get to know her better.

Personally, I don’t leave the house much – so I’m not exposed to buying pizza when I’m hungry. But if a man leaves the house a lot then pack his lunch, show him what to do. Make sure he has a beverage when he goes out. It’s a lot of work for a woman. It’s not always up to the guy at the beginning; especially if getting on the diet was not his idea to begin with. In this scenario, the load is on the woman which is unfortunate. I saw this exact thing with my mom when she started yoga and wanted my dad to eat healthy. They didn’t make it. There were other reasons, but my dad didn’t change a bit in his ways. Some men don’t.

Tara: You’re saying that if the girl wants the guy to make diet changes, then she needs to do all the work in beginning and hope her partner changes?

Tomas: Not necessarily, just that what the woman does, the diet changes she makes for the man will open his mind and he sees the results and starts to think about that. As guys, we are trained to listen to our mothers. What mother puts on the table, we eat. But, imagine the guy who is a construction worker and stops drinking beer and eating pizza … the other guys will look at him like he has 2 heads, make fun of him, probably not like him anymore and maybe even exclude him from the pack. It’s hard for the guy to feel different in this way. This has got many layers.

Tara: What would make you change in how you eat and live?

Tomas: First thing is that men have to understand how things work. They have to know all the why’s. The girl can’t just say “stop eating sugar”. I need to know in a logical way why I should do that. You, as a girl need a really good argument. Ideally, the man has a big health issue that will motivate him to change diet, otherwise a woman should expect to do most of work and expect trouble and push-back. For me what changed a lot was when you (Tara) told me to cut down on sugar. That changed me a lot. That is hard, but that worked. It may not work for everyone. Like for me it took me ages to learn that I can’t drink milk.

Tara: How did you learn that you can’t drink milk?

Tomas: I would put my bet that you pointed it out. So, I skipped milk to see what happens. I felt better and connected the dots.

Tara: This isn’t fun to hear (as the woman in relationship) and is a lot of work on my part to take responsibility for the health of our relationship. 

Tomas: It’s shitty and not nice at all. Kudos to women who try hard. It’s not fair. I can see the woman does all the work and the man will eat shit when she’s not there. You should be aware of that, that when he loses you out of his sight, he’ll do whatever he did before because he’ll relapse the moment you close door. So, when you leave him alone, leave him with all sorts of snacks so he has no responsibility in that department. It’s shitty, but women pull most of weight on her own. 

Tara: Do you think men don’t care about eating well?

Tomas: I am saying women should not get hopes high. It’s a gradual process to have a guy start doing something to improve his health condition. Baby steps. It’s a long run because we ‘guys’ don’t change our habits easily unless there is an apocalyptic reason for doing so. Men are like dogs when it comes to sex and food. Give a dog a treat every time he does good. That is a lot of work, but there is a period of time where you have to train and reward us. 

Tara: I’ve seen you make diet/lifestyle changes since we met, what makes you different?

Tomas: It is like putting a frog in the pot with cool water and you start heating it. That’s the old trick because the frog does not notice much is happening. The key thing is that the frog cannot notice that you are doing something.

Tara: Like when I used to mix cultured vegetables into your tuna salad?

Tomas: Yes, it has to taste good. You can never beat pizza, beer, or bread so you have to make it taste good. Treat us like an overgrown kid.

Tara: You are basically saying that your health is not important to you?

Tomas: It is, but most men don’t take responsibility for it. We won’t stop destroying ourselves, no matter what. We go to doctor, take pills, doctor will tell us how long we’ll live and that is that. 

Tara: I don’t see you living like that, I see you working in partnership with me.

Tomas: That’s because I’m too deep in. We passed the initial stage in that you were able to break me in, once I knew the why and tried it all and it works then it is a completely different story.

Tara: Do you still feel that I am doing all the work or in charge of you anymore?

Tomas: No, you still do a lot and you point out things because I have tendency to slip, but it’s not as much effort as it was in the beginning.

Tara: What keeps you going and on track with your health now?

Tomas: I feel good doing what I do and I don’t feel good when I sidetrack back to my old ways. Say, you go away for a week and I am home alone and neglect cooking and eat out. Say, I eat frozen food and drink beer and smoke and drink coffee. I feel tired, sick, and get back symptoms I got rid of. I get bad breath, foggy mind, it all comes back. That’s a good reminder for why I do what I do. I am at the point where you helped me make big changes and yes I do slip back into my tendencies but lately they serve as a reminder of why I do what I do.

Tara: If I were to die tomorrow, would you keep eating in the ‘body ecology‘ way that I have shown you?

Tomas: Yes I would.

Tara: Would you look for a partner who ate in a similar way?

Tomas: Yes, that would be hard one. I don’t know anyone else who does that.

Tara: I know lots of women who eat this way.

Tomas: Maybe before you die, you could give me a list.

Tara: When I met you, I was nervous to share my body because I did not want to re-contaminate myself with yeast overgrowth through kissing and having sex. This was such a hurtle to accept you in my life and body. How did this make you feel back then?”

Tomas: Sometimes it’s about making compromises. We couldn’t kiss, but we could cuddle. We could also still have sex as long as we wore a condom. I’d say to men to get sheep gut condoms, best ones I tried, cost $5 each but when it comes to being intimate or not at all, they’re good.

Tara: In our early days together I was willing to do what it took to get you to pay attention to your body. I wanted to be with you, but was angry that I had to take care of you like this. How can you write off taking charge of your body so easily?

Tomas: It does involve a lot of work for the woman and if you decide to look for a partner, look for someone with an open-mind, not necessarily on B.E.D., just an open-minded person. There’s also the fact that as a woman when you begin a healing diet your libido is not on sex or you might have vaginal yeast infections like you did. So you as the woman are focused on healing yourself; which means most of your energy is spent on yourself. So, you might look for a compassionate person who can understand the need to be self absorbed. Also, do this for yourself. If you want a partner to do this, then it’s going to be more work to make food, but if you run the kitchen and are the head cook already, then you carry more weight and have more in your hands. If your partner participates that’s obviously a better option, but they have to get into things and you have to make them understand why. 

Tara: I can see that we see things differently, this was insightful. I want my partner in control of his body and aware of his health, I find that attractive. When we met I had to look past your inability to do this. I’m glad you’re on board now. Any last words?

Tomas: Some women might take a partner saying ‘no’ to doing the diet as a personal assault or confrontation or statement of “I don’t love you enough to change myself for you” when really they are just thinking “This food does not taste good.”

Cinnamon Kisses

My Favorite B.E.D. Supplements

Nutritional Consultations with Tara, NC.

Helpful Resources 

Increase Libido 

Foods That Improve Love Life

Why Women Take Control of Their Health More Than Men Do

Short Video about The Body Ecology Diet

Easy online quiz to see if yeast overgrowth is an issue.

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May all bellies be happy!

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