Cod Liver Oil

Getting Men Into B.E.D (Body Ecology Diet)

I dove in to get personal with my husband in order to help other couples better understand each other when one, or both, is healing on The Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.). In the interview below, I explore back when we first started dating and I’d been on stage 1 of B.E.D. for a year at that point to clear up a systemic case of yeast overgrowth that was causing me multiple health issues. 

Interview with my husband:

Tara: What would you say to someone getting romantically involved while on B.E.D.?

Tomas: I think most men aren’t going to read anything, so don’t even try that. Also, don’t overwhelm him. Do small steps with small goals. Like “let’s try this one thing”. Let him master that while offering a substitute (i.e. plantain chips instead of potato chips). You should know that if the food he likes is not at home, then he will look for a substitute and eat lots of it. He will likely overdose on that food item for awhile. I think most men have the attitude that all this healing is bullshit, so to the men I’d say try and open your mind to entertain the idea. Do it because you love her or because you want to get to know her better. Personally, I don’t leave home much, so I’m not exposed to buying pizza if I’m hungry. But, if your man leaves the house a lot then pack his lunch. Show him what to do. Make sure he has a beverage when he goes out. It’s a lot of work for a woman and not always up to the guy at the beginning; especially if getting on the diet was not his idea to begin with. In this scenario, the load is on the woman which is unfortunate. I saw this exact thing with my mom when she started yoga and wanted my dad to eat healthy. They didn’t make it. There were other reasons, but my dad didn’t change a bit in his ways. Some men don’t.

Tara: You’re saying that if a girl wants a guy to make diet changes then she needs to do most of the work in beginning and hope her partner changes?

Tomas: Not necessarily, just that the diet changes she makes for the man will hopefully open his mind and get him seeing results and then maybe he will start thinking about that and making changes on his own because he wants to. As guys, we are trained to listen to our mothers. What mother puts on the table, we eat. But, imagine the guy who is a construction worker and stops drinking beer and eating pizza … the other guys look at him like he has two heads, make fun of him, probably not like him anymore. Maybe even exclude him from the pack. It’s hard for the guy to feel different in this way. This has got many layers.

Tara: What would make you change the way you eat and live?

Tomas: First thing is that men have to understand how things work. They have to know the why’s. The girl can’t just say “stop eating sugar”. Men need to know in a logical way why do that? You, as a girl need a good argument. Ideally, the man has a big health issue that motivates him to change, otherwise women should expect to do most of the work and expect trouble and push-back along the way. For me what changed a lot was when you (me, Tara) suggested I cut down on sugar. That changed me a lot. It was hard, but worked. It may not work for everyone. Like for me it took me ages to learn that I can’t drink milk.

Tara: How did you learn you can’t drink milk?

Tomas: I’d put my bet that you pointed it out, so I skipped milk to see what happens. I felt better and connected dots.

Tara: This isn’t fun to hear, it’s a lot of work on my part to take responsibility for health of our relationship. 

Tomas: It’s shitty and not nice at all. Kudos to women who try hard. It’s not fair. I can see women do all the work and men will eat shit when she’s not there. You should be aware that when he loses you out of his sight, he’ll do whatever he did before because he’ll relapse the moment you close door. So, when you leave him alone, leave him with all sorts of snacks so he has no responsibility in that department. It’s shitty, but women must pull most of weight on her own. 

Tara: Do you think men don’t care to eat well?

Tomas: I am saying that women should not get hopes high. It’s a gradual process to have guy start doing something to improve his health condition. Baby steps. It’s long run because we ‘guys’ don’t change habits easily unless there is an apocalyptic reason for doing so. Men are like dogs when it comes to sex and food. Give a dog a treat every time he does good. That is a lot of work, but there is a period of time when you have to train and reward us. 

Tara: I’ve seen you make many diet/life changes since we met, what makes you different?

Tomas: It is like putting a frog in the pot with cool water and you start heating it. That’s the old trick because the frog does not notice much is happening. The key thing is that the frog can’t notice what you are doing. Be clever.

Tara: Like when I mix cultured vegetables into your tuna salad?

Tomas: Yes, it has to taste good, can never beat pizza, beer, bread, so make it taste good. Treat us like overgrown kid.

Tara: Basically, you are saying your health is not important to you?

Tomas: It is, but most men don’t take responsibility for health. We won’t stop destroying ourselves, no matter what. We go to doctor, take pills, doctor tells us how long we have to live and that’s that. 

Tara: I don’t see you living like that now, I see you working in partnership with me.

Tomas: That’s because I’m deep in. We passed the initial stage where you broke me in. Once I knew the why and tried it all and found it worked, then we have a completely different story.

Tara: Do you still feel that I am doing all the work or in charge of you anymore?

Tomas: No. You do still do a lot more then I do in the kitchen and you point out things when I have tendency to slip, but it’s not as much effort as in the beginning.

Tara: What keeps you on track with your health now?

Tomas: I feel good doing what I do. I don’t feel good when I sidetrack to my old ways. Say, you go away for a week and leave me home alone. I neglect cooking, eat out, eat too much frozen food, drink beer, smoke, and drink coffee. I feel tired, sick, get back symptoms I got rid of like bad breath, fog mind. Everything comes back. That’s reminder for why I do what I do. I’m at point where you helped me to make big changes and when I slip back in my tendencies, they just serve as a reminder of why I am doing what I do.

Tara: If I die tomorrow, would you keep eating the ‘body ecology‘ way?

Tomas: Yes, I would.

Tara: Would you look for a partner who ate a similar way?

Tomas: Yes, that would be hard one. I don’t know anyone else who does that.

Tara: I know lots of women who eat this way.

Tomas: Maybe before you die, you could give me a list 🙂

Tara: When I met you, you struggled with health issues that made me nervous to share my body with you. I didn’t want to get yeast overgrowth again by kissing and sex. This was such a hurtle to accept you in my life (and my body). How did this make you feel?

Tomas: It’s about compromise. We couldn’t kiss, but we could cuddle. We could also still have sex as long as we wore a condom. I’d say to men to get the sheep gut condoms, best ones I tried, cost $5 each but when it comes to being intimate or not at all, they are good.

Tara: In our early days I was willing to do what it took to help you get more connected to your body. I wanted to be with you and for you to have a strong healthy body to share. I was also angry that I had to take care of you like this. 

Tomas: Healing the body does involve a lot of work for the woman. If you are looking for a partner, look for someone with an open-mind, not necessarily someone on B.E.D., just an open-minded person. There’s also the fact that as a woman when you begin the diet your libido might not be on sex or you might have vaginal yeast infections. So, you as the woman are focused on healing yourself; meaning most of your energy is spent on yourself. So, look for a compassionate person who can understand the need to be self-absorbed. Do this diet for yourself. If you want a partner to do this, then it’s more work to make food, but if you run the kitchen and are the head cook already, then you carry more weight and have more in your hands, in your control. If your partner participates that’s obviously a better option, but they have to get into things and you have to make them understand why. 

Tara: We see things differently when it comes to healing, I am glad you are more aware of your body and health, I find that attractive. Any last words?

Tomas: Some women might misinterpret a man saying ‘no’ to the diet as a personal assault or confrontation. They might get defensive because they think he is saying “I don’t love you enough to change myself for you” when really they are just thinking “this food does not taste good.”

Cinnamon Kisses

My Favorite Supplements on B.E.D.

Nutritional Consultations with Tara, NC.

Helpful Resources 

Increase Libido 

Foods That Improve Love Life

Why Women Take Control of Their Health More Than Men Do

Short Video about The Body Ecology Diet

Easy online quiz to see if yeast overgrowth is an issue.

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May all bellies be happy!

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