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My Man’s Perspective of Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.)

Below is an interview I did with my husband about how he felt when we began our relationship and I was on The Body Ecology Diet (B.E.D.). I’d been on B.E.D. for a year to heal a case of yeast overgrowth when he walked in my life and it was an awkward time for us as a couple as we learned to be romantically involved while I healed my body. It’s been several years since we met, and though I’m no longer on the strict stage one, I continue to practice the principles and eat accordingly. So, I decided to interview my husband about this time in our life.

You can read more at How To Get A Man Into B.E.D.

The interview…

Tara: “What would you say to someone getting romantically involved while on the diet?”

Tomas: I think that that most men are not going to read anything so don’t try that. Also, don’t overwhelm him, do small steps with small goals, like “let’s try this one thing” and let him master that while offering a substitute (i.e. plantain chips instead of potato chips). Know that if things he likes are not at home he will find a substitute, eat a lot of it, and overdose on that item. I would say that most men have the attitude that this is bullshit so to the men I would say to try to open your mind and entertain the idea. Do it because you love her or want to get to know her better.

Personally, I don’t leave the house much – so I am not exposed to buying pizza when I am hungry. But if a man leaves the house a lot then pack his lunch, show him what to do. Make sure he has a beverage when he goes out. It’s a lot of work for a woman. It’s not always up to the guy at the beginning; especially if getting on the diet was not his idea to begin with. In this scenario, the load is on the woman which is unfortunate. I saw this exact thing with my mom when she started yoga and wanted my dad to eat healthy. They didn’t make it. There were other reasons, but my dad didn’t change a bit in his ways. Some men don’t.

Tara: “You’re saying that if the girl is the one looking to make dietary changes, she needs to do the heavy work in the beginning and hope the other person changes his ways?”

Tomas: Not necessarily, just that what the woman does, the diet changes she makes for the man opens his mind and he sees the results and starts to think about that. As guys, we are trained to listen to our mothers. What mother puts on the table, we eat. But can you imagine the guy who is a construction worker and stops drinking beer and eating pizza? The other guys will look at him like he has two heads and make fun of him and probably not like him anymore and exclude him from the pack. It is hard for the guy to feel different in this way. This has got many layers.

Tara: “What would make you change in how you eat and live?”

Tomas: First thing is that men have to understand how things work. They have to know all the why’s. The girl can’t just say “stop eating sugar”. I need to know in a logical way why I should do that. You as a girl need a really good argument. Ideally, the man has a big health issue that will get him motivated to change his diet, otherwise a woman should expect to do most of the work and expect troubles and push-back. For me what changed a lot was when you (Tara) told me to cut down on the sugar. That changed me a lot. That is hard, but that worked for me. It may not work for everyone. Like for me it took me ages to learn that I cannot do milk.

Tara: “How did you learn that your body can’t tolerate milk?”

Tomas: I would put my bet that you pointed it out. So, I skipped milk to see what happens.

Tara: “This is not fun to hear. As a woman, this kind of work is not worth my while if you are not taking responsibility for your health and the health of our relationship.” 

Tomas: It is shitty and not nice at all. Kudos to women who try so hard. It is not fair. I can see that the woman does all the work and the man will eat shit when she is not there. You should be aware of that, that when he loses you out of his sight, he will do what ever he did before because he will relapse the moment you close the door. So when you leave him alone you should leave him with all sorts of snacks so he has no responsibilities in that department. It’s shitty, but women pull most of the weight on her own. 

Tara: “Wow, so you think men don’t care about eating well?”

Tomas: I am saying women should not get their hopes high. It is a gradual process to have a guy start doing something to improve his condition. Baby steps, it’s a long run because we ‘the guys’ don’t change our habits easily unless there is an apocalyptic reason for doing it. Men are like dogs when it comes to sex and food. Give a dog a treat every time he does good. That is a lot of work, but there is a period of time where you have to train and reward us. 

Tara: “I’ve seen you make a ton of diet and lifestyle changes since we met, what makes you different?”

Tomas: It is like putting a frog in the pot with cool water and you start heating it. That is the old trick because the frog does not notice much is happening. The key thing is that the frog cannot notice that you are doing something.

Tara: “Like when I put cultured vegetables in your tuna salad instead of hoping you’d take a scoop?”

Tomas: Yes, it has to taste good. You can never beat pizza, beer, or bread so you have to make it taste good. Treat us like an overgrown kid.

Tara: “You are basically saying that your health is not important to you?”

Tomas: It is, but most men we don’t take responsibility for it. Most guys won’t stop destroying themselves no matter what. We will go to doctor and take pills and the doctor will tell us how long we will live with that and that is it. 

Tara: “I don’t see you living like that, I see you working in more partnership with me.”

Tomas: That is because I am too deep in. We passed the initial stage in that you were able to break me in. Because once I know the whys and I tried and it works then it is a completely different story.

Tara: “You no longer feel that I am doing all the work or in charge of you anymore?”

Tomas: No, you still do a lot and you point out things because I have tendency to slip. But it’s not as much effort as it was in the beginning.

Tara: “So what keeps you going and on track?”

Tomas: Because I tried and I feel good doing what I do and I don’t feel good when I sidetrack. Say, you go away for a week and I am home alone and I neglect cooking and eat out and eat frozen food and drink beer and smoke and drink coffee. I feel tired, sick, and get back symptoms I got rid of. I get bad breath, my mind gets foggy, and it all comes back. That is a good reminder for why I do what I do. I am at the point where you helped me make the big changes and yes I do slip back into my tendencies but lately they serve as a reminder of why I do what I do.

Tara: “If I were to die tomorrow, would you keep eating in the way that I have shown you?”

Tomas: Yes I would.

Tara: “Would you look for a partner who ate in a similar way?”

Tomas: Yes, that would be hard one. I don’t know anyone else who does that.

Tara: “I know lots of women who eat this way.”

Tomas: Maybe before you die, you could give me a list.

Tara “Lol, when I met you I’d been on B.E.D. for a year. I liked you but I was nervous to share my body with you because I did not want to re-contaminate myself with yeast overgrowth through kissing and having sex. This was such a hurtle to accept you in my life and body. How did this make you feel back then?”

Tomas: Sometimes it is about making compromises. We couldn’t kiss, but we could cuddle. We could also still have sex as long as we wore a condom. I would say to men to get sheep gut condoms, best ones I tried. They cost $5 each but when it comes to being intimate or not at all, they are good.

Tara: “In our early days together I was willing to do what it took to get you to pay attention to your body because I wanted to be with you. But, I was angry that I had to take care of you like this. Especially because I was a single mom with kids on the diet. How can you write off taking charge of your body so easily?”

Tomas: It does involve a lot of work for the woman and if you decide to look for a partner, look for someone with an open-mind, not necessarily on B.E.D., just an open-minded person. There’s also the fact that as a woman when you begin a healing diet your libido is not on sex, but on healing yourself; which means most of your energy is spent on yourself. So, you might look for a compassionate person who can understand the need to be self absorbed. Also, do this for yourself. If you want a partner to do this, then it’s going to be more work to make food, but if you run the kitchen and are the head cook already, then you carry more weight and have more in your hands. If your partner participates that is obviously a better option, but they have to get into things and you have to make them understand why. 

Tara: “That was insightful, I see that we see things in a different way. I want my partner in control of his body and aware of his health. I find that attractive. When we met I had to look past your inability to do this for your self. I am glad you are on board now. Anything else to say?”

Tomas: Some women might take a partner saying ‘no’ to doing the diet as a personal assault/confrontation/statement of “I don’t love you enough to change myself for you” when really they are just thinking “This food does not taste good.”

6 Ways To Improve Libido

Cinnamon Kisses (stage 1)

B.E.D. Support with Tara (via phone or Skype)

Helpful Resources 

Increase Libido 

Foods That Improve Love Life

Why Women Take Control of Their Health More Than Men Do

Short Video about The Body Ecology Diet

Easy online quiz to see if yeast overgrowth is an issue.

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May all bellies be happy!

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